Friday, December 28, 2007


Well, it pains me to do this but I'm going to move blogs.
Silly me... I created a better gmail account after I made up this blog, I didn't think I would like blooger so much.

So I had to make a new blooger account to use a new gmail account. I just really like things tidy and in their places.

So please change your links and bookmarks to:

Working 9 to 5

I am trying to figure something out. My school schedule will be a little nuts next semester. Mainly because I want to take a particular professor for one of my geography classes. But he's worth it. That class is on Saturdays.
Then I am required to take another geography class and that one is only offered once. At night.

And because of this I am trying to make a schedule that will be decent for me......... however I have to make a decision about my math tutoring job. I probably will need to quit. I hate that. I don't want to quit and we could use the money. But it's just not going to work with my schedule for this next year. Boy do I hate quitting the job!

I decided to take a particular history class that pretty much makes up my mind for me. Due to taking this class I won't have time to tutor. But I am totally dragging my heels about quitting. *sigh*

What to do, what to do. I would like to at least dash off an email to my supervisor telling her I have to quit, and I want to get that done by tomorrow. Though I could wait... but the sooner, the better. NUTS. I hate having to make decisions like this. I hate having to STICK with decisions!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Damn dental madness

Well, day after Xmas one of my fillings had to fall out. It's not much of a surprise because I had a horrible dentist in July 2006. Been having trouble ever since.
It fell out before I could even eat anything yesterday and I went for 40 hours without food until today. (I waited for 3 more hours after my filling this morning before I ate.)

But now comes the fun of fixing the stupid problems, living through it and then paying for it with my wallet. Just how I want to spend my vacation days and my money!

Not to mention... it's hard to get into dentists to begin with, but add in holidays and you really have trouble. But I did manage to find one that got me in less than 24 hours after the filling fell out. So I went in this morning for some drilling fun.

I'll be going back tomorrow to fix another one of the problems and for a deep cleaning.

The only upside to this is the dentist is beyond cute. Wow.
Let's hope he knows what he's doing and my perma-problems will be fixed now! PLEASE!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Following the lead of everybody else...


It's actually snowing here right now. I had a very, very nice Christmas and I was very, very spoiled. VERY. :-)

We open our gifts on Christmas Eve, btw. It's our tradition to be like the Europeans.

Sunday, December 23, 2007


Every month I try to post just a little bit more than I did last month, but I keep failing at that! Oh well, it's not like I have anything super stellar to say.

And besides, we finally got our hands on a Wii so I'm busy! Busy, you hear?! Did I mention that we managed to finally score a Wii while we were in Wyoming? Yay! Right place, right time.

I had a craving for some Hawaiian Punch, thank goodness Hubby had some. This stuff is so bad for you but I had a craving. I keep getting cravings for bleu cheese dressing too.

Well, I'd better finish my mother's xmas present. I make her a calendar of snowshoe cats every year. I've only done January so far! Eeep!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Have we met?

I find it odd/intriguing/annoying/frustrating/interesting/amusing/beguiling/weird when people mistake you for someone else. I seem to get that a lot at times. Who is walking around with my face?

That or people assume they "know my sister." I don't have a sister.


We just had a very nice relaxing vacation in Wyoming. We really like it there and I really think we might move there once I graduate. We'll see what happens.

Random: I have a friend who calls me Sunshine all the time. It does seem to be quite a suiting nickname for me. And I forgot how much I like it when I don't hear him call me that all the time.

I'm kinda achey right now. And there is nothing much else I have to say. Too much to do tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to doing. Oh well.

But I am enjoying my REAL break from college. Thank goodness. I'll have to go to work training for two days in January. Puke!! Those "training" days are bru-tal. Believe me. Time definitely goes backwards. I ain't joking one bit.
For starters... our "world class" bosses make Power Point presentations but they put all the words right there, not bullets, and then they proceed to read them to us. BRU-TAL!

It's beyond obnoxious when Power Point isn't used correctly. Well, at least we'll be getting paid.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Jupiter the Imposter Planet.

You know it's interesting...

In order to be classified as a planet, there are basically 3 criteria. (I'm a little fuzzy right now on the exact details, Brain-Dead Shann, so I'll just post the general concepts below.)

1) The body must be mostly spherical.
2) It must follow an elliptical orbit around the sun.
3) It must clear its path of other objects.

Now then. There are these things we like to call asteroids. Ones that have a diameter* semi-major axis greater than 1 AU and flirt with the Earth are called Apollo. Ones that flirt with Mars are called Amor.
Ones that are in front of and behind Jupiter on its elliptical orbit path around the sun are called Trojans.

Soooo... interesting huh? Technically Jupiter could/should be declassified as a planet according that the above stated criteria. I'd like to see them try. Ha ha.

I especially like the logic in science: Because we said so.

See? Wow. Brain dead. That would be really something... an asteroid with a diameter bigger than 1 AU. Yeah. Like that's really out there. Hell-o.
I initially put diameter and I wish Blooger had a strike-thru option. Nuts.

ETA again: Aha, figured out how to do a strike-through. Take that, Blooger!

Finally my last final during this final week of crapfest.

Hokay. So I took my astronomy final today. I am almost sad that class is over. That was the only bright spot in my semester and I'll miss it very much. I learned a lot from it.

So yay. I finally get to decompress, the best I can anyway what with all the recent crap I've found out about my schooling. *eyeroll*

The hubby and I are going on vacation for 5 days. We're running away to Wyoming on Thursday. This'll be interesting to see what we can do during all this weather. But that's okay. At this point I really do need to just collapse and if we're stuck in a hotel room all day with some pizza then that's just fiiiine. Pizza and nekked-ness. What more could you ask for?

Saturday, December 8, 2007


I knew I was doing myself a disservice by buying Zelda for the DS before my finals. But oh well.

I ain't kidding when I say I have a severe case of "F. It. All" itis. Between all the crap that went down very recently in regards to my schooling... I just don't have the energy to care anymore. I should fight for my B in math, but I just can't bring myself to try, or even care very much, after that last test.

In other news... My coloring is annoying. I have blond hair and blue eyes. Kind of a ruddy complexion too thanks to a lot German in me. Anyways, with my blue eyes I've always wished that I could wear dark hair colors... but I do not look good. Nuts. So I'm really kind of stuck in the medium blonde to medium brown range. I could pull off light blondes too actually, but I feel like they clash with my red cheeks too much.

I can actually pull off red tones, too... for the most part. I got this odd craving to do a kind of burgandy color... I should have more fun. Well, what I'll do is just do highlights in fun colors. Temporary colors.

Anyways, mostly I just wish I could look good in a broader range of shades. Oh well. So let's have some fun with super color highlights, like the aforementioned burgandy, purples, reds, blues, etc.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Yeah I want some cheesy poofs

I'm going to share a nice story and a random story.

Nice Story: I was just remembering the time when my first husband was leaving me for another woman in another state that he met online, and they were going to move-in together without ever having met one another in person. Yeah... I'm getting to the nice part. (Although getting rid of an abusive a-hole and sorry excuse of a husband is a bit of a nice thing.) Anyways, before all this came to fruitation, I had entered a raffle for a very large print of 16 ferrets. I think it's gotta be 24 x 10 or something. Maybe bigger. Fully framed and everything.

It was so lovely to remember, after all the terrible stuff that went down between me and my ex, to check the website and see who won the picture. I had! I was sooooo excited and so happy. I wrote "This is so wonderful! You don't know how much this means to me right now as I am going through a rough divorce."

Random Story: So my 2nd husband here and I were in Denver determining if he might be a candidate for a brain operation to alleviate his seizures. And I was going a bit nuts between all the emotional toil and the fact that his rotten parents were with us. (ugh)

Ok. So this isn't a really awesome-cool-far-out stunt... but it sure is something. After some appointment, Ryan and I both had to use the restroom. Well, just for "kicks" I decided to join him in the men's room. Yeah, I lead that kind of dangerous lifestyle. Outrageous!

So Ryan's at the urinal and I'm in the one stall. In comes someone, but they leave when they see the stall door closed as well. *whew*

Nope, not so fast... in comes another person and he just grabs the stall door and yanks it open. It, being a flimsy lock, of course gives way. I'm sitting there.... my pants around my ankles.... turning red.... gaping.... mind reeling, not sure what the hell to think or say...

This doctor, thankfully not one of Ryan's doctors, turns around and is startled by me. I can only mutter a sheepish "I'm sorry." He stares for a second more, shakes his head and leaves.

Oh and heck... Bonus Story that makes me giggle because I like potty humor:
Ryan came with me to school this week and told me the tale of using the restroom while I was in class. He wasn't... you know... feeling so well... and was in there for quite awhile. He reports that someone opened up the door (and this place does have more than one stall, and Ryan was the only one in there) and the dude exclaimed "Aw, man!" and promptly walked back out. LOL!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Wow. December already. I blinked.

Good grief. Time is just flying, but that's always to be expected.

I'm still quite in a funk about school. Long story semi-short:
  • They (4 yr university) lost my application for a transfer scholarship. I'm out $850 now.
  • I found out too late about a foreign language requirement that nobody has mentioned to me before now.
  • But of course it is all my fault, and college advisors walk on water so there's no possible way they overlooked telling me about this foreign language credit.
  • Ergo, I'll be taking 2 geography classes, 1 history class, 1 French class and 1 ballroom dancing. For the fine arts credit. Yee Haw.
  • Math has been beyond a hose beast. The last test was terribly hard. 10 pages. ~45 questions. Only 2 hours to complete it. I didn't. I got a 67%.
  • The idiot math teacher can't even grade her own tests right, she marked everyone wrong because she got the problem wrong. Hell-o.
  • My GPA is tanking very quickly. This semester's GPA is bad, and it's going to pull my cumulative down into the mud. I'll probably get kicked out of my honor society.
  • And I don't even need this math anymore (of which I'll probably end up with a C in) due to my new major of geography. I'm so glad that it's just going to ruin my GPA for no good reason now!
  • Well, in other news, my astronomy grade is 105% right now. And we took a test this morning of which I got zero answers wrong. (107% overall because he loves extra credit.)
  • My literature paper tanked too. I don't know what this lady wants. I wrote my term paper just like I wrote my B+ and A- essay exams... and I got a C. I'm going to end up with a B in that class. I'm really frustrated because I don't know what she wants, and I asked for clarification after class... and I still don't understand.
Soooo. Yeah. That's pretty much the bad news for now. Actually I think I'm leaving something out.

My math final is next Monday and I just don't have the will to study for the damn thing. Not after this last test. I worked my fingers to the bone doing ~25 hours of homework and I still couldn't pull off the B I wanted. (of course the test was extremely hard and long and I couldn't finish.) At least my stupid teacher doesn't write the final... It's only 25 questions.

My astronomy test will be about 200 questions... but I should be okay in that of course.

Hubby and I will run to another state and stay in a cheap motel for a few days after all my finals next week.

My days of school look long for next semester. As it stands right now:
7:00 to 8:50 pm - Ballroom Dancing. With the hubby. For that all important fine arts credit.

Tuesdays and Thursdays:
10:00 to 12:20 - French I
1:00 to 4:00 - hopefully I'll get a math class to tutor at these times.
6:00 to 7:15 pm- One of the required geography classes.

9:00 to 11:45 - Second required geography class.
12:00 to 2:45 - History.

Then I'll try to take French II at the 4 year university next summer. And maybe another class... we'll see... financial aid usually doesn't help you over the summers. It'd be nice if I could take it at the community college I'm at right now, but the 4 year will only take up to 72 credits of transfer. Though... you can sort of "pick and choose" which ones so conceivably I could drop some superfluous psych classes and use a 5 credit hour French II.

However, the 4 year college wants Mulah and so they'll try and dissuade me from doing this. Bastards.

Okay, well, is this a long and boring enough post for y'all? Enjoy!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

We're being watched keenly and closely.


Y'all really don't want to hear how school is going, believe me. It's brutal. Lots of things have gone super wrong lately. So I shan't talk about that; let's pretend it doesn't exist, shall we? Excellent.

What else could I talk about? Well, here's another amusing anecdote from my astronomy class.
We were watching "War of the Worlds", the original one. (yay for fun lab time!)

When the bacteria finally affect the aliens and the first ship goes down in town, my professor says "It's a Kia and the warranty just expired."

Tee hee!

I've seen both now. Yes, I did see the Tommy Cruise one in theaters. I will say this, that awful noise that the aliens made before they shot their weapons... still creeps the bejezus out of me. It got me thinking about the how Tom Cruise thing... People seem to hate that movie, but really I think it's only because it coincides with him really going cuckoo. If it weren't for that, I wonder what people's opinions would be about his remake of "War of the Worlds."

Saturday, November 24, 2007


I seriously do not know where the time has gone. It is just speeding by. More and more... I see that this is true:

Time is like a toilet paper roll. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Gee, I'm surprised that I'm not 65 years old all of the sudden. Anyways.

I have been busy with school. I'm all finished with Literature... let's hope to Giant Jellyfish that I earned an A in the class.
But I have been studying and working my ass off in math. I had planned all along to be doing my 12 sections of homework over this long weekend. I did that because if I had done it any earlier I would panic about forgetting how to do the early stuff. Despite reviewing it. Because that's how I roll - Worrywart Panic Extraordinaire.

Anywho... I've gotten 6 sections done. It's so hard to get up the will to do the last 6. Of which I'll have to do 3 on Sat and 3 on Sun. Phooey.

I'm trying my best. I'm really working hard to do the best I can. I just hope that I can get a strong B on this next test before the final. Man, this sucks. I went from a person who scored 100's on math tests, and always the highest grade in the class, to just praying to hold on to my B. :-( This 12 section test is going to be a gigantic pain in the tuckus. The final will be even worse!

Anyways, enough of that unpleasant subject. I'll say this... my astronomy teacher told me twice how impressed he is with my grade in the class. So there we go, good news. (my average is 104%.)

My thanksgiving was pretty decent. I'm addicted to pumpkin pi and now I don't know how to get off the stuff.

I think that's all, folks!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

tidal stability

Did I ever share this with you? I don't think I did. Hmmm.

In my astronomy class we learned about the Roche Limit. My professor said he'll never forget this one answer he received on a test about that... and let's just say it was at one of our more liberal, artsy-fartsy campuses...

"The roche limit is when it burns too low and you need a clip."

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Getting the grades

Well I'm going to brag because I'm happy. We had a very hard test in astronomy today and I earned a 101%. The thing that annoyed me though... I didn't study too terribly much last night because I was fixated on my literature paper, and on the astronomy test I got some things about Uranus and Neptune mixed up in my head. But that's ok, I made up for it with the extra credit. It was 3 questions I goofed on. And... well... I'm a major perfectionist and I hate making silly errors... but I shall have to get over it. I'm quite happy with my 101%.

One of my friends in the class can be a bit unbearable with his attitude. He thinks he knows it all and doesn't have to bother doing any studying like us mere mortals. Or even bother coming to class. So it was a little gratifying to see him get an 83% on the test.

Astronomy is pretty well wrapped up for me right now. I have a 104% average. Yay.
Literature........ dear sweet cow I hope I did well on this paper. I hope she'll think so and give me a good grade. I hope she'll have them graded by next week at least. The torture!!!
And in math... I have to work hard to keep my B, but I think I will be able to. Ugh. I hate getting a B. It's going to drag my GPA down dammit.

I know, I know. I apologize for being one of those kinds of students but it is who I am.

BTW - I am a very "comma" happy kind of person. I looked over my Lit paper just before I turned it in and decided to white-out about 6 commas. I hope I did this right. Stupid grammar.

PS I wish I could see a dentist, but we do not have the money for it. I have a concern about some fillings I got over a year ago... Phooey. This sucks.

Monday, November 12, 2007


I know, I know. Dangit. The days are just flying by and I really don't have much to say in the first place. The usual college BS.

I just got done writing my literature paper. Gotta say... it came rather easily and quickly. I sure hope I get a great grade on it. I really think I nailed down what my teacher is looking for........

Math is math. We're back on more algebra related ground, so hopefully things will be better for the this next test. We are doing 12 sections of homework and being tested on them. Kind of like a mini-final. Ugh.

Then a week after this doozy of a test, comes the real final. *groan*

Dude. What is WITH my stupid college???? They keep making us go longer and longer. We are one of the earliest back in school in the whole state. What the hell? I hate this! I'm glad I'm just about done with them. Only one more semester. Then I'm onto a 4 year university as a junior. Yeeee haaaaw.
(btw, we go back earlier, but it's not like we get more breaks. Oh no. We get hardly ANY days off during any of the semesters.)

Anywhooooo. That's pretty much my exciting life as of right now.

Tra la la la la la

I put a little too much salt on this popcorn, but wow it's hitting the spot right now. Yum.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Meme mememememememe and me!

I was tagged! Makes me feel like Sally Field. You like me, you really like me! Or at least you read me every now and then at least. ;-) Jennifer tagged me to post 8 random facts about moi.
(One of these days I'll get my blog roll going. Maybe after I do this.)

I was even trying to figure out something kinda neat to write about, so this was a good thing to fall into my lap at the right time.

Now then. Obligatory disclaimer. I feel that perhaps these are silly and maybe stupid, but oh well. It's all I can come up with right now after being at school doing math for 8 hours straight.

1) I was a serious competing ice skater since I was about 5 years old until about 20. (and I actually have a move that I can do better than most all skating pros. It's called the spread eagle and I totally rock that move.)

2) I can play 4 instruments well, the piano, bass guitar, flute and saxophone.

3) Around 1986-87 ish, I was 9-10 years old and I got hit with Beatle Mania of all things. I listened to all their albums, on vinyl of course, watched most of their movies over and over, and I even wanted my hair to look like theirs. Wow. I need my head examined. (luckily, I never got that kind of hair cut.)

4) My main band that I love though is the Rolling Stones. My parents were hippies and I have a taste for all of that music as well which began when I was a little whippersnapper.

5) My mother has black hair and brown eyes, my dad has brunette hair and hazel eyes... and here I am with blond hair and blue eyes. Hello! (don't know where that came from at all. And my parents swear I'm not adopted.)

6) Ever since I was little I wanted a ferret. I love ferrets. And I collect just about everything ferret-y that I can. They are my animal. :-) Yes, I do have 3 ferrets right now. And 3 cockatiels, 3 cats, 2 gerbils and 1 husband.

7) I have a huge heart for all animals, and frankly, I even release bugs outside. Currently we have a huge spider in our garage who I've named Sally Elizabeth.

8) I cannot watch horror or gore movies because of my overactive, vivid imagination. I swear I might drive myself insane with it.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Piiiink eye

Heh. People have been telling me all day long that I look tired and I really didn't understand why. I thought "Wow, I must be really tired for it to be read on my face."

Then I looked in the mirror and saw the pink eye.

Even better... I got an eye exam and new glasses on Friday night.


Saturday, November 3, 2007

Dear readers of this Blooger Bloog

A newsflash that will change your life, end world hunger and fix USA's health care problems:

I have zero, zip, zilch, nada desire to do homework.

Thank you. That is all.

(and I haven't really done one lick of homework in about two days. Though I am trying to brainstorm for my lit paper.)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


I need to get fitted for a bra one of these days. I wish I could get up the nerve. And I've got to figure out where to go, what's reputable.

/end transmission

Monday, October 29, 2007


So. Just how the heck am I going to pay for my second half of my two years of college tuition? Holy cow. I'm looking at two in-state colleges and I'm just overwhelmed by the prices. This sucks.

Well, here's hoping I might talk to both colleges and maybe there'll be some things that will help me out. I dunno.

I'm also trying to figure out what to do. I will just have to flat out admit this... I am not continuing in math. That's kinda sad on my part, but it's what has to be for now. I don't know what exactly happened, as I always had the highest grade in math. I was not prepared for this math course I'm taking right now and it's hurting me.
My plans are to perhaps come back to a math degree sometime in the future, when there's not so much pressure for me to finish college and get a job. (like I'll take one class per semester after work type deal.)

ANYWHO... It's looking like I probably will major in Geography (the physical/GIS aspect of it) once I become a junior.
I think I'll go ahead and finish my Associate's of Science degree... what I'll probably take for the spring semester is geography, history and physics.
Then when I transfer to a 4 year university, I'll switch to a BA.

Good times will be had by all.


Saturday, October 27, 2007

It bugs me

You know... thanks to a homestate team being in the World Series, the Rockies, everybody is suddenly all about baseball and the world series. It's a state fever thing. That's cool. But it's interesting these people wouldn't pay $8 to see them before but now they're willing to pay <$150.

What I really hate is the scalping and money grubbers. I had a girl in my astronomy class brag about how she got tickets and she only got 2, and then she whined about how upset she is she wasn't thinking clearly and didn't get 4 so she could sell the other 2 for a tidy profit.

That's what bugs the crap out of me. Call me a socialist... but I think it's just plain rude that she gets to buy the tickets for, say, $150 a piece, but now if someone else wants to go they have to pay whatever mark-up she desires on it.

It's a 2 way street though. Basically this kind of crap can only stop if people would stop buying the price-gouged tickets.

It's just a disgusting way of humankind.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

status epilepticus

That is just a weird term. My husband and I went to a doctor's appointment today and I just couldn't bring myself to say it. Because I always feel like I would be saying it wrong. (it's when a person goes into seizure after seizure and they don't stop.)

I also dicked it up in astronomy today. I swear. I could've gotten 10 extra credit points if I would've answered a question. Why didn't I? Stupid little anxiety attack. I just couldn't bring myself to say the answer for whatever reason. (I don't need the points, luckily. But it's the principle of the matter. Darn me to heck anyway.)

I had my drama exam in Lit. I just don't know... I really don't. I'm afraid I did very badly. This semester is just hell on me for some reason. Grrrrr.

Anyways, we're trying a new medicine on Ryan. He actually went into status epilepticus on this one medicine about 16 years ago, Te.gretol. Now we are trying a drug that is close to it, like a cousin, Tri.leptal. It'll be interesting (right) to see what happens. I hate it when we mess around with his medication, but we simply have to. I keep waiting for that one drug that will answer our prayers. (or cocktail of drugs, whatever.)

I asked Ryan when his status epilepticus happened when he was on that other medicine and he said he was about 4 days into the dose. He just took his first dose of this medicine tonight. Hopefully next week will pass by uneventfully.

Yay to Blooger for finally putting in an option to email, or subscribe, to comments!!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Ummm... hmmm. I just tried to figure out how to have site feeds on This Old Blooger.

How the heck do I do this? I just spent a half hour trying to figure it out, and I can't. I enabled site feeds in my settings, but as for putting a link or whatever on my sidebar, I cannot get it to do that. I went to template tags here on Blooger, and the code they gave me doesn't work.

Nuts to this. >:-(

me and my imaginary friends

Did I ever say the results of a math test? I think I did... but for our second big trig test I got a big fat D. I'm so excited. It's my first D ever. I should frame the damn thing.
However it must be noted that over half the class flat out failed the test. 8 F's. It was a very difficult and painful chapter and test.

This next chapter is going a bit better for me now. It's about the laws of sines and cosines... the dot product... imaginary numbers - trig functions or something or other with z... anyways. It's getting better. Although the word problems are a massive b*tch. I mean, wow, massive.

I am so counting down this semester. I kinda like being a math tutor, but at the same time I kinda hate it too. I hope that next semester I can manage to get away with only doing 6 hours a week of tutoring. I don't know. I'm not enjoying this semester very much. Some factors are a location I'm at, and the people with which I am surrounded. (very broad, general whine, huh?)

Switching gears - it's interesting. I had my hair cut about a week ago. It's a new change for me. One I never thought I would embrace. For most of my life I was all about the loooong hair. I loved long hair and couldn't imagine ever wanting short hair. But I have a bob-like cut in my hair, and it is well above my shoulders. I love it.

I like the change this brings about. Growth and evolution on my part. I know it's only hair, but still. It's nice to know you aren't stagnant. It's still kinda baffling to me that I could like short hair.

Hmmm, I just basically had a brain fart and can't remember anything else I was going to say. Guess it'll have to wait for another post!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Not necessarily life and death

Odd. Out of boredom, I decided to look in on an old email account. This one has a little bit of reason for me looking... it was an account that I used to communicate with an ex-best friend. I hate that I still miss him from time to time, especially due to the way he's treated me. It was bad, and I'm better off without him. So why do I still miss him? Grrr.

I digress.

The point is, it's interesting to re-read old messages from your past and seeing your thoughts and feelings about things. I know these things were important to me at the time, but at the same time, who really cares??? I'm getting better about not being so... nitpicky about every minutae of my life.

It also sucks that the one message I really got into re-reading was so long that it got cut off with this: ===message truncated===
Ah phooey!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Patience is a... you know...

I have a story. A real story I can share that is kinda neat.

Ok. So I stopped at the grocery store after school, on my way home. Then I got behind some ladies that were doing things with their method of payment that took a long time. I believe the cashier was relatively new too, but not a total newbie. Just doing a job that she probably saw once briefly in training and had to think how to process it since it doesn't come up often.

I don't even know what it was they were doing... I guessed some kind of government help or something.

So. For the first few moments I was kinda like "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. How long is this going to take?" In my head of course.

Then I told myself "Calm down. Patience. The world needs patience. These kind of things happen. People need for others not to be so damn rude and pushy all the time. And what is the rush we are always in? Good grief."

I will admit... about 5 minutes later I was still fighting with myself to be patient. I couldn't really go to another line because I had already unloaded my stuff. So I just stuck it out some more.

When it was all finally said and done, the cashier apologized to me. She looked like frazzled. I told her I completely understand, these things happen. I really am understanding about it.
One of the two ladies, the customers, came back and thanked me as well for my patience. Kinda dumbstricken by this, I said "It's ok, not a problem!!" I flashed through a couple of quick chit-chatty things I could say, but discarded them. Something like "The world needs more patience." or "We all have situations like this from time to time."

Only once I got into the parking lot did I think of the tired, but true "Patience is a virtue" thing.


I felt kinda guilty though. Because, well... I was getting a little bit grumpy about how long it was taking. And I was fighting with myself to be patient. (how terrible is that? I hate that. This world needs patience and time! Man, where's the fire all the time?)

And just how sweet was it for these two ladies to thank me for my patience? I mean, wow. For the universe to reward a person, to show a good side, to prove itself unpredictable...


Quite a thought provoker.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I'm going to sound petty...

But wow some people are so dense. Or they just don't bother to read. It's so aggravating.

In other "news",
I think... I need to really figure out... how to go away for college.
Here are my options.
1) Stay living with my parents and go to a local university. Of which I'm not exactly enamored with, and it's a little expensive.

2) Figure out how me, as a full time student, and my husband who is disabled and on disability which doesn't pay anything worthwhile, can live on our own. In another town.

I think, for our sanity, I need to find a way for us to be on our own. Somehow, someway.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I wanna bury my nut!

This morning as I walked out to my car to go to school, I had to pause and watch something so darn cute and amusing.

I watched a squirrel trying to bury a nut in our neighbor's astro turf.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

bah humbug

I just don't know what to say. I'm really in over my head with this stupid math class. The college really did me a great disservice (whatever spelling) by having me go into this class. I was a straight A math student before now. This is completely ridiculous.

There's not much I can do but keep working hard. I'm so frustrated and upset though. I really think I failed my first math test. I mean really. I couldn't answer a lot of questions. Frankly, a lot of other students were struggling too.

Anyways. I'm really poking my nose into a major in geography. I feel like that actually may be right for me. After I have explored soooooo many other majors. I'm going to request a meeting with the head of geography at our school, and maybe I can get some really good insight.

I feel oddly quiet from journaling. I don't know why. Interesting. Oh well.

Anything fun I can tell you? Nope. Not really. SOSDD basically.
And I have been doing totally awful on my weight loss efforts. Stress is just killing me.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

6 days ago

You know, I never really did mention much about our day out last Sunday. Maybe I'll rehash a few fun details now.

I love the zoo, but hate seeing these poor animals in awful cages. They try to update some of them, and a few are better, but still. Poor darlings. Still, I had a great time. Weather was nice, even though the sun was shining brightly. I love spending a lot of time near the aquatic animals and such. We watched the sea lions for a long time, the river otters... so on.

Anyways, then we popped over to an old friend's house, Fred. I've known him for 15 years now. We're not super close or anything, but despite distance we seem to keep in touch with each other decently enough. We invited him to go to Casa Bonita's with us, but he had other plans with other friends. So we chatted for awhile and then Ryan and I had to get going to the restaurant.

Same as I remember! The food wasn't as terrible as it's made out to be. It's not great, but not the worst mexican food I've ever eaten either. After eating, we explored the restaurant. Ryan had a really, really good time, like I knew he would. They did have divers there, but sadly they were women. ;-) I was astonished, though, at how they have to climb up the waterfall. These poor people have to literally scale the walls. Scary! Goodness! And even after they dive into the pool, there's no ladder to get out, they have again climb up the walls and over a fence. It's soooo odd. The pool is so tiny. I wonder how many accidents there have been?

Ryan really didn't want to leave. I knew that would happen. ;-) Oh, and we went through Bart's Cave... the thing is they have it all "Halloween-ed". So that just makes it even scarier!!! I'm a huuuuge baby when it comes to things like this. The only reason I could go through Bart's Cave in the first place was because I ran through there countless times when I was little and finally got a little desensitized to the scariness of it. I do have to pat myself on the back, because I really am a scaredy cat, but yet I managed to go through. I saw lots of other people back out. They'd walk up to the entrance, turn around and walk right back out. LOL. I just about did that as well, but I pushed through.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

urge to kill - rising

Good grief. When will I learn? After a little hiatus, I peeked back into my old blog service... and here I am with sky high blood pressure. Man, there are times when I wish you could throw a website or something into the trash. Especially if you're weak like me and keep going back for more.

Sad thing is, I think the other service is a bit better than this one. More bells and whistles and interactions. It's like I have this choice of "Live in the mountains nary a soul within 300 miles" or "Live in the sewer of the Big Apple city."
I truly don't know what to do.

The internet on a whole can be a pain in the tuckus though. I see so many blogs where the author has to carefully craft their words so they don't incur wrath of maggots. LOL. Maggot wrath. How funny. Or they have to put in all these stipulations to try and qualm the onset of two-teethed people playing banjos with their feet.

I don't know. Why the heck am I even doing this? Well, the sad thing is... I do it for interaction. I have barely any real life friends. I do love to type and write out my words. Why don't I just keep it private then? I don't know. Part of me really likes the opinions of others, but only when they're said in a respectful, constructive manner.

I have joined my local chapter of meet up dot com. I have yet to attend something. I probably should. I have really tried to think of ways to gain new friends in my personal life, and it's not easy. Not easy at all. :-(

Life and the internet are kinda like getting shot in the butt from a doctor. It can be much easier to take with a lollipop. Right now I have no lollipops in my life.

I should become Shannon Unplugged. I know. But then I'd really feel lonely and isolated.

Clearly... I am quite conflicted about my feelings. Well, time to stop rambling.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Well, we had fun on Sunday.
I got an 84% on my math test. So that's decent. Not my usual good work... but... I'm just happy I didn't get a D or F or even a C.

I'm finding out that I probably should have just taken the real trigonometry course. Then I could've gone into calculus with no problems. Instead of taking this stupid "hybrid" course that's supposed to help prepare me for calculus. It just sucks every trig function you can imagine. *sigh*
I hate this class.

In other news, I got a 106% on my astronomy test. And a "B++" on my lit test. I'm not too worried about that, she just wants to see us improve over the course, and so yeah... I can improve myself into an A.

Well anyways.
Basically SOSDD.

I had a crappy tutoring day today. I just couldn't help anybody. Gah. Although I did get 2 kids to learn how to program the quadratic formula into their calculators so there's that victory I suppose. But my stupid math class about killed my brain this morning. I'm so wigged out. More hard work ahead of me over the weekend.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Day of Fun Part II

LOL, Ryan's practically dancing around here he's so happy to be going someplace. We tease him in a good way about being like a doggy... "Go outside? Outside??"
But seriously. I asked him to check the tires and the fluids in our awesome Toyota car, and he came racing back inside to get some grocery bags to clean out the trash as well. (I hate that we're those kind of people with our car.)
Ugh, I also just reminded myself about how we have a big job to do with our car... I want to detail the inside and wax the outside. Well, next weekend I suppose. Also, oil changes. Cripes, I just need to write it on the list and not bore you people.

ANYWAYS, I just wanted to share how excited he is about going someplace, but I was also just reminded that today is his mother's birthday. His estranged mother's birthday. Ughhhhhh. I truly don't know what to do about this situation. It is a complicated and sordid affair that involves both of us. (she's messed with Ryan all his life, and me too once she met me. Basically to boil it all down into one nutshell, she has a major narcissitic personality. A manipulative narcissitic personality.)

It's so messy and awful. Really. *sigh* She does some nasty stuff to us, and I have to admit that I don't rise above it at times. Like knowing her birthday was coming up and not sending out a card in a timely fashion. And the thought I had just now of "Well, so what? She forgot my birthday this year."

Day of Fun

I'm a little excited... I have plans for me and my hubby. And I'm going to surprise him with them, because he loves surprises.

It's time to enjoy life for a little while. I actually have not touched my trig all weekend, but tonight I will look ahead. But enough about that.

First of all, just a note, we have to get back to the Denver Museum of Natural Science, or whatever they call it now, to see the Titanic exhibit. We went back in July and it was so crowded. I'm hoping we can pick a more mellow day to really enjoy the exhibit. But I don't think we'll do that today. Actually... we should go on a Friday or Saturday night because it's a little cheaper. But I wonder how crowded it would be?? Well, anyways. I just know that we'd like to go see that a couple more times at least before it sails out of Denver in January. (plus I have to add a few more things from the gift shop to my Titanic collections.)

Soooo, instead what we'll do today is go to the zoo and then go to Casa Bonita. I cannot believe Ryan has never been there. It's required of you when you're a CO resident. He's going to love it. That's one of the several things I love about him so much, his childlike wonderment and excitement.

I have so many memories of Casa Bonita. When I was an ice skater, my skating club would make a fun day of it and we would go to Elitches, at its old location, and then Casa Bonita. I loooooved doing that so much. It was so much fun, and I have good memories of that. The event usually happened in June, I believe. There was a time when it was the end of the day, and I could have a ride all to myself. I loved going on this particular ride because you start off looking like you'll run into a fence, then soon enough you're getting higher and higher and now you're over the fence.... ahhh. Memories.

(wow, I'm suddenly flooded by a lot of memories of events like this. Due to the ice skating and being in the band at school, I went a lot of places and did a lot of things. Also, I even miss my school bus driving job just a little bit because I drove a ton of field trips. I love traveling.)

After Old School Elitches we'd all go to Casa Bonita where of course the food doesn't matter. (and good thing too, it's kinda nasty actually.) My dad got pulled up on stage once for a magician's act. I also remember the waterfall and the cave thing.
In high school the band stopped there for dinner and me and one other guy were kinda left seatless. The waitress was so rude to us at first, then ignored us the rest of the time. And after waiting for a long time to be able to pay for our meals, we finally just upped and left. But she caught up to us. That annoyed me. I'm not one for skipping out, but frankly, I did hope we could that day because of how she behaved. We didn't even get the comp food, like chips and salsa and sopapillas.

So. Those are my plans for the day. Time to enjoy life for once. Instead of the usual towing of the line and drudgery.
(and I'm so antsy now to get back to Titanic! Darnit, oh well, another day. Definitely.)

Oh, and next Sunday? We get to see Bill Cosby!! He's my childhood hero. I love him to pieces. Love him. I'd better see if I could find a coupon so we could also have dinner out after the show.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

yeah sure.

So in a way I don't have homework this weekend, but yet I actually do. Ugh. I'm just ignoring it. I need to start reading "Midsummer's Night Dream" and I'd like to get a jump on my next chapter in math.

But moving on quickly away from that unpleasant topic... This morning I "treated" myself. I lazed around in bed, watching some TV dvd's. Then I painted my fingernails and toenails. And Ryan and I just got back from shopping until we were dropping.

Not really. Actually, we spent a lot of time in B&N while I tried to pick a trig book that would be helpful.

I've been doing a lot of thinking... I need to really write this stuff down while I'm in the moment and all. But anyways... I'm starting to realize and accept the fact that life is going to be hard and difficult no matter what. For some reason, I just have this feeling in the back of my mind "Once I turn ____ things will be easier. Once I get some high paying office job, things will be easier. Once I lose weight I'll magically gain self esteem." Etc.

I want to just accept things as they are and not try to force things. Life is what it is, and I'd like to just go with the flow more.

I have a lot of work to do in some positive thinking departments too... thought changes and all... I'll get there somehow.

AND. I'd like to focus on the good things in life. As I contemplated things while driving, I encountered two cars who were polite. Then I encountered the requisite assholes. Well, I'd like to stop focusing on the assholes and just focus on the good, polite people that are out there. The a-holes are never going to go away. Why do I have this odd expectation of them doing so?

Again. Just let them be. Go with the flow of it all. Don't focus on them.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

BTW, you know those cute little baby pumpkins? (I forget their names, gourds? I dunno.)
I so wanted to get a bunch for all our animals. I called them "ferret pumpkins" because they are perfectly ferret sized! Awww. Actually they are a good, cute size for all our animals.
We have 3 ferrets, 3 cockatiels and 2 gerbils. There are 3 cats in this house too, but they technically belong to my parents now.

I am sleepy.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

how do you cure being a human?

Let us enjoy Georgia. Georgia typeface that is. Ooooohhhh. Aaahhhhh.

I..... really don't know how I did on my test. It doesn't really look good, frankly. And my teacher is a strict grader. I mean strict. Let's say you forget a negative sign in your answer, but it the rest of it correct. She will only give you one point, instead of just taking one point off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could just hear about the real professors in the real world who'll chop your hands off for getting a problem wrong. But I don't care. I'm still going to complain about my teacher's grading policies. Because they do suck. She's just itching to dock you on all the points she can.

This will probably have to be the test score I have to drop. *sigh* I'm going to do some work over the weekend to get myself more solid in this #*!@#$%@ trigonometry.

Ok. All that being said, I actually have something else I'd like to muse about.

I admit. Nobody particularly wants to be around a person who whines or complains all the time. Even if they don't have a voice that goes along with the whining. (you know, a whiiiiiney voice.)

But, what can you do? What if there is stuff around you that annoys you? Why is it not allowable to complain about it? Even in a "nice" way? Basically, why is it not allowable to vent a frustration, nor matter how minor or major?

I'm just doing some introspection here. To me... I wonder if people don't like reading my stuff because I'm too whine-y or complain-y. However, what am I supposed to do? Hold it all inside until I explode from the frustration?

People will often say "It's your journal, use it as you need it, or as you see fit."
But I don't know. I don't really have that many people who like to be invested in me. (this is coming from my 6 years on another blog service.)

So what do you do?

I was just making some kind of comment to a college friend the other day and he goes "Complain, complain, complain." But I wasn't meaning to complain, sheesh! And really, he was mostly joking about it. Still.......

I am a hyper-sensitive person. And I just feel all this pressure to be perfect at any cost, so that I will be tolerable to people. But the thing is, and I know this full well, when you try to please everybody in the world, it gets you nowhere and you basically end up with nobody really liking you.

And what is perfect anyways? It's an empty, meaningless word universally.

I don't know. My thoughts are not really lined up about all this. It's an ongoing process. I'll admit, I am in therapy. There is a lot in my life and in my past that has beaten me down.
I just wonder one thing for now... when will I ever feel that it's acceptable to just be myself?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

whine, whine, every where there's a whine

Wow. Last night I started crying from frustration over trig. Basically they rationalized a square root in a denominator, but I couldn't figure that out for a long few minutes. And it just broke me. I'm so tired of being so damn confused in trig.
(It was supposed to simply be 1/sqrt3. But then not only did they rationalize the damn thing, they broke it apart as well, and wrote it as 1/3 times sqrt3.)

Frankly, a few people have had this class before and this is their second time taking it. So they have an edge over me. Others have simply had trig before sometime in their lives, so they also have an edge over me. And it's hard not to sit there and feel like a Yugo next to a bunch of Ferrari's in the class. They've all "caught on" so quickly.

One of my friends at school yelled at me today about how I need to ask questions. I know, I know. It's hard for me to do it though especially when the teacher goes so fast. Because I know the point is they have to cover what they have to cover in a certain amount of time.

It IS my own fault for not asking questions. So how can I change this? How can I make it so I feel more comfortable and "allowed" to ask questions? Grrrrr.

Why do I feel pressure to know everything in the world? Why is it when I observe other people I know they don't know everything in the world, but they sure know a ton more than I do, and they make me feel ashamed at my apparent lack of knowledge?

Why is it that it's "ok" for me to not know my major, not know where I'm going in life, but that's all everybody wants to know? "What's your major? What career do you want afterwards? Where are you going in life?"
Answer: I don't have a motherf*cking CLUE, ok?
(and I demand this of myself. It sure would be nice to know what I'm doing in life. Or at least have an idea of what I would like to do. But apparently that is one of my great life mysteries that remains to forever be unsolved.)

I just don't know. I kinda don't know what to do about myself anymore. I'm my own worst enemy at times. Totally.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

shine on, sunshine

So what words can I dazzle you with today? Dunno.

I miss my gerbie. I've been holding the boy gerbils a lot to help comfort me.

I did finally buckle down and do some math... but I had to rely way too heavily on my solutions manual. I'm "allowing" this right now simply because it is my first turn in trigonometry. I plan on making a study notebook later. It'll have all the stuff I need to know, to remember. I usually use notecards for flash cards, but this is too much stuff! So I have to make a FlashCard Notebook. Egads.

I have had a lot of neat stuff run through my mind today, but it's too much to write down. Heck, I can barely remember half of it right now. The computer is a mind eraser, donchaknow. Seriously.

Some was memories...I'd like to write more of my memories down so I can keep them forever.

And of course, the everpresent wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I did peruse my elective list again, and now suddenly I'm interested in taking Physics (algebra based though, unfortunately) and Chemistry.
My astronomy professor will be teaching a meteorology course in the spring, and I hope I can take that. I might like to take a geography course too.

So we'll see. I think I might hold off on Calculus I for a couple of reasons. 1) I'd hate to start it at this school and have to switch to another school in the middle of it. 2) Typically for calc I, II, and III they use the same book all the way through. So I may as well wait until I switch to a four year university.

I've just kind of decided to try and taste new classes. Who knows? I could end up loving chemistry, or physics. The only downside is I only have so much time to cram stuff in. I'm even considering taking chemistry over the summer, but I'd have to pay out of pocket for it. Suddenly I have a million classes I'd like to dabble in, and no time to take them per se!
Granted, I could take chemistry at my 4 year university... but you have to get on a road and go for it, otherwise you waste time and money taking a superfluous class in regards to your new major.

ANYWAYS. I'm so sick of worrying and wondering about all this.

I am also trying to get down to what would make me happy. I truly don't know. When I was younger I wanted to get into the space program somehow. But I am no where brilliant enough for that. :-( I don't know if I'm brilliant enough to be a high paid white collar worker.
I am smart. Just not brilliant. :-(

Right now I feel like a multi-faceted crystal. So many different faces and planes in my world, in my life. Not sure what to do.

I do know I don't like "people" jobs. I went to beauty school after high school just to delay college because I had no idea what I wanted to study (hello, sound familiar?) and I hated it. I HATED having to work with the general public.
I have no desire to be a teacher. So hey, there's two jobs down and out. Gah. (and a field actually.)

Random: I had a dream I had my hair cut by a blind person last night. Oddness.

Why does it have to be so hard to not compare yourself to others?

How can I possibly drink as much water as I should, when I can't be leaving class every 15 minutes to hit the head?

I can honestly see how it's possible to leave college knowing less than you did when you went in. I feel that way everyday.

PS. Wanna know what I did? I erased all RAM from my graphing calculator. Good going, Shannon. Now I have to work on downloading stuff back onto it. Idjit.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Rest in peace darling

Well, one of our gerbils, Molly, passed away. Thursday 9/20. Early in the morning, in my hands. I've been brokenhearted ever since of course. We buried her in the backyard next to her sisters and mother. It's a pretty nice resting place actually. I'm still so very sad.
Priscilla is the mommy gerbil. She had 5 babies. 3 girls and 2 boys. The girls: Leia, Holly and Molly. They were identical twins. Molly is the last girl we had. We still have the boys, Storm (for stormtrooper because he was Leia's fraternal twin) and Teddy because he has big teddy bear ears.

I just want to add something. I am currently trying to lose weight. I just started again last week. At the beginning of this year I tried to lose weight and I was starting to be successful. Then some other animal emergencies came up, with one of my ferrets, and all bets were off.
It's taken me until now when I could get my willpower back and get back on the horse, so to speak.
However, this recent death really got to me and so yesterday I didn't care about the diet again. But that's okay. I actually made decent choices about breaking my diet. Instead of going to a restaurant or fast food joint, we went to the grocery store and bought a few things. But I made better choices than I normally do.

Today/tomorrow I'll get back to it. I haven't added in exercise yet anyways, so that's my plan for next week. Anyhow, I say all this because basically, I want to lose weight. And I want to triumphantly announce my weight loss successes here. So now you know. And even though I kinda "messed up" yesterday and a little bit for today, I will not let this deter me. I even weighed myself this morning and I've lost two pounds so far. I will keep this up.

I checked out 3 books yesterday from the college library. My mind was still on my grieving about my gerbil, Molly, so I was startled when the librarian said "Going to have a fun weekend, huh?" Then I realized I'm checking out 3 books that deal with trigonometry. Yee Haw.

However, I'm still just... eh. I still have to find my motivation, especially after my recent loss of a sweet animal. But I'll make myself. I even skipped a class yesterday which is fairly unlike me. I'm a good studious student and I know how important it is to be there for class. But the human in me just couldn't take it. I was sad, depressed and I'm just tired of school in general anyways.

Next week is going to suck. I have a math test on Wednesday, an astronomy test on Thursday morning and an essay exam for literature Thursday afternoon. I suppose the upside to all this is a homework free weekend basically! Still.... grrrrrrr.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

gimme strength

Oh jeez. I just need the strength or... will... the determination... I know there's a word I'm looking for but it's not coming to me. Wednesdays are really hard for me anyways. First I have my 2.5 hour math class. Then I have 3 hours of math tutoring a specific class. THEN I have 2 hours in the math lab helping random boneheads. All in a row.

I do like all this, but it can be a bit rough. It's about 7 or 8 hours of straight math time.
Tonight wasn't that bad. There are quite a few people I actually enjoy being around, which is nice. But I'm still worn out mentally.

Maybe I might just keep my math major. I don't know. I'm sort of talking myself out of it before I even really try. :-( I'm just worried about calculus. And beyond. Oy. But I'm still rather enjoying math. I just have to take it one day at a time. And find good teachers, that can make a big difference. But it's hard to find good teachers sometimes. :-(

Well anywhoooo. I have a lot of work ahead of me this weekend. I simply MUST get my act together in studying for my math test that is in one week. I have 7 sections of homework, and I think I'll have to do it all twice for the practice. I just need to find my motivation.
My last test was regraded and now I have an 85%. That honestly is a lot better than I thought I would do. I was so worried about that test. So if I could just get my mind on it, I should shoot for an A on this next test. Don't give up, Shannon, don't give up.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

try and go around the wall

Well, now. I found out something interesting today. This trigonometry I'm having to take in my math class is actually a condensed, harder version than college trig. They took a 16 week course and crammed it into 4 weeks, and also made it a degree harder than the 16 week course.

No wonder! Sheesh. I may have to go out and buy "trig for dummies", which I hate to do but if it'll help... I'm just kind tired. I know this is college, but I am sick of having to pay these tuition prices only to teach myself math. :-(

I'm going to look into other fields of course. I asked about meteorology, and my professor said he'll try and find some information for me. He also mentioned that he thing Geography would be an exciting course to go into. Hmmmm! It sounded good the way he talked it up. This professor is a meteorologist who teaches a lot of science courses including, but not limited to, astronomy, geography, meteorology, physics... He knows his stuff, dangit. I'm intimidated by people like him!

A classmate mentioned actuary careers. I'm going to research that as soon as I'm done writing this.

I don't know.

I do know one thing. I am just dang tired of math right now. I'm burnt out. I'm totally ignoring my homework right now.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Let your geek hang out

Ok. I'm tickled to have my first comment. Tee hee. I've got to get my name spread out on the people's blogs who I usually frequent, so they too can waste time reading my posts. It sure took me long enough to decide to have this kind of website, instead of the other service I was using.

(and uh, please forgive me while I have my learning curve of this site.)

Soooo, back to trig. I am starting to get it, and sadly, it is exciting to me. (though hard!) I had to use identities today and I was so happy and proud of myself when I got one right all by myself. It's just a lot of information to take in all at once when you've never had trig before. I'm slowly getting there. Although I did have a headache earlier today. Trig can = a headache for sure.

I talked at length to an old friend today about my future. She suggested architecture. I'm taking astronomy this semester as well, and my astronomy professor is also a meteorologist. I emailed him last night requesting a meeting with him, and I just got an email back saying that we should talk in class tomorrow to set up a time. Now I just have to figure out what to ask him about meteorology.

I have to admit something. I wonder if I have the brains for all of this kind of stuff*. For some reason I just worry that I don't have the gift of real brains for dealing with highly critical thinking professions. *sigh* That is also a problem for me... my self confidence. The problem is that I have none. Or next to none. I need to work on this as well, but dangit... the fear, it's scary.
(*um, by "this kind of stuff" I'm meaning the maths and sciences. AS and BS degrees.)

I went to college in 1998, and I just kinda randomly chose TV and Film Production. I did enjoy it, but then my advisor lead me astray with the advising, I got pissed off and fed up, and quit. Besides, I had my doubts I wanted to really be in that kind of field. Especially in my city.

When I made the decision to go back to college last year, I had only a few classes that would work for a new major. The TV major was only an Associate of Applied Science. Those don't transfer to 4 year universities. So I had to switch to either an AA or AS degree. First I randomly (again) decided psychology. Kinda the fall back major for a lot of people. I knew I really probably didn't want to pursue that any further. Meanwhile, in my math class, I kept earning 100% on tests and I had the highest grade in class. I did finally discover for myself that I enjoyed math.

Hence, my major in math right now. I just don't know if I really want to keep on that line though. It might be nice to actually go into a career field. I'm considering as many as I can, but yet I know there has to be more out there I'm not aware of. And how the heck do you choose these careers? Or at least get a major that is highly tolerable for you so college isn't worse than a rectal exam with sandpaper gloves.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

A few hours later...

Well, I just wanted to make a new post about how I worked for about 4 hours today on trig, and things are better. I believe I will start really liking it, but there is a lot to take in for your first time with it. Lots of things to memorize and try to get straight in your head. I'm not even there yet, but I've begun to climb the mountain.

I will be graduating from this crappy community college next spring. I'm trying to figure out what school I want to transfer to afterwards. I really don't know.

And what I really don't know is what my major or emphasis will be. Currently I am declared a math major. I do enjoy it, despite how rough it can be. I'm worried that soon it will become immensely difficult and scary. Who knows.

My main point is this. I don't know what I want to do. It's scary. How the hell do people figure out what they want to do? How do people manage to do only 4 years for a bachelor degree, when you hear all the time "It's common for people to not know what major they want to pick. And they change their major an average of 5 times."

I do not want to get into this right now, but I want to mention something. How do I become an adult? I feel like I never really got a normal teenage life and now I don't have a normal adult life. I know, I know, define normal. Well, normal is what it seems like the majority does. Go to school, get a degree, get a job/career. Get married. Have kids. Buy a house. Have random and fun life experiences in-between.

I feel like I haven't lived yet. I don't know how other people do "it".

Again, another day I'll talk more about this. Try to sort out my thoughts and feelings, as that's what journaling is supposed to do.

PS. The only solace about Sunday night, which begins another week of crappity crap, is that most everybody else is having to suffer too! Kinda like "A case of the Mondays" from Office Space, but for me it's more of "A case of the Sunday Night Blues."

PPS. I have to STOP comparing myself to others! This is something I've learned about in therapy, and it just has to stop. It's so hard to stop though. :-(

Boredom Come

I really don't have anything to say right now... I'm just a little bored and procrastinating on doing my math homework. I'm dealing with trigonometry for the first time ever and it's a bit daunting. Doesn't help when there's a couple of people in your class who have taken the class before and therefore know all the answers. So then the teacher doesn't really slow down for the rest of us.
ETA: And it's just slightly annoying when certain people brag about their accomplishments in trig, meanwhile acting so bewildered at how you can possibly be standing upright and yet not have encountered trig before in life. It can happen. Stop being so judgmental and offensive about it. This is sadly from my other blog that I use all the time, and stuff like this has driven me to the need of change from it. I know I am being a bit over-sensitive about this, but it's rude to belittle others.

Irregardless... I still have to work hard on my own, and I'm trying. I'm really trying. But I'm not really getting it yet. Sucks.

I worry about one of my ferrets. There's a very long story behind this boy, but the problem right now is his ears. One vet diagnosed him having a yeast infection in his ears due to a food allergy. Or some other kind of allergy. We're trying hard to pin it down, but it's very hard to pin allergies down. *sigh* I just want to make it all better for him!!

Saturday, September 15, 2007


The very first oh-so-sexy post.
But I do have to figure out what I'm doing around here. Blogger is new to me.
BTW, I originally wrote Blooger. Let that be a new term!