Wednesday, September 26, 2007

how do you cure being a human?

Let us enjoy Georgia. Georgia typeface that is. Ooooohhhh. Aaahhhhh.

I..... really don't know how I did on my test. It doesn't really look good, frankly. And my teacher is a strict grader. I mean strict. Let's say you forget a negative sign in your answer, but it the rest of it correct. She will only give you one point, instead of just taking one point off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could just hear about the real professors in the real world who'll chop your hands off for getting a problem wrong. But I don't care. I'm still going to complain about my teacher's grading policies. Because they do suck. She's just itching to dock you on all the points she can.

This will probably have to be the test score I have to drop. *sigh* I'm going to do some work over the weekend to get myself more solid in this #*!@#$%@ trigonometry.

Ok. All that being said, I actually have something else I'd like to muse about.

I admit. Nobody particularly wants to be around a person who whines or complains all the time. Even if they don't have a voice that goes along with the whining. (you know, a whiiiiiney voice.)

But, what can you do? What if there is stuff around you that annoys you? Why is it not allowable to complain about it? Even in a "nice" way? Basically, why is it not allowable to vent a frustration, nor matter how minor or major?

I'm just doing some introspection here. To me... I wonder if people don't like reading my stuff because I'm too whine-y or complain-y. However, what am I supposed to do? Hold it all inside until I explode from the frustration?

People will often say "It's your journal, use it as you need it, or as you see fit."
But I don't know. I don't really have that many people who like to be invested in me. (this is coming from my 6 years on another blog service.)

So what do you do?

I was just making some kind of comment to a college friend the other day and he goes "Complain, complain, complain." But I wasn't meaning to complain, sheesh! And really, he was mostly joking about it. Still.......

I am a hyper-sensitive person. And I just feel all this pressure to be perfect at any cost, so that I will be tolerable to people. But the thing is, and I know this full well, when you try to please everybody in the world, it gets you nowhere and you basically end up with nobody really liking you.

And what is perfect anyways? It's an empty, meaningless word universally.

I don't know. My thoughts are not really lined up about all this. It's an ongoing process. I'll admit, I am in therapy. There is a lot in my life and in my past that has beaten me down.
I just wonder one thing for now... when will I ever feel that it's acceptable to just be myself?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are perfect, you're the most perfect person I know