Saturday, September 22, 2007

shine on, sunshine

So what words can I dazzle you with today? Dunno.

I miss my gerbie. I've been holding the boy gerbils a lot to help comfort me.

I did finally buckle down and do some math... but I had to rely way too heavily on my solutions manual. I'm "allowing" this right now simply because it is my first turn in trigonometry. I plan on making a study notebook later. It'll have all the stuff I need to know, to remember. I usually use notecards for flash cards, but this is too much stuff! So I have to make a FlashCard Notebook. Egads.

I have had a lot of neat stuff run through my mind today, but it's too much to write down. Heck, I can barely remember half of it right now. The computer is a mind eraser, donchaknow. Seriously.

Some was memories...I'd like to write more of my memories down so I can keep them forever.

And of course, the everpresent wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I did peruse my elective list again, and now suddenly I'm interested in taking Physics (algebra based though, unfortunately) and Chemistry.
My astronomy professor will be teaching a meteorology course in the spring, and I hope I can take that. I might like to take a geography course too.

So we'll see. I think I might hold off on Calculus I for a couple of reasons. 1) I'd hate to start it at this school and have to switch to another school in the middle of it. 2) Typically for calc I, II, and III they use the same book all the way through. So I may as well wait until I switch to a four year university.

I've just kind of decided to try and taste new classes. Who knows? I could end up loving chemistry, or physics. The only downside is I only have so much time to cram stuff in. I'm even considering taking chemistry over the summer, but I'd have to pay out of pocket for it. Suddenly I have a million classes I'd like to dabble in, and no time to take them per se!
Granted, I could take chemistry at my 4 year university... but you have to get on a road and go for it, otherwise you waste time and money taking a superfluous class in regards to your new major.

ANYWAYS. I'm so sick of worrying and wondering about all this.

I am also trying to get down to what would make me happy. I truly don't know. When I was younger I wanted to get into the space program somehow. But I am no where brilliant enough for that. :-( I don't know if I'm brilliant enough to be a high paid white collar worker.
I am smart. Just not brilliant. :-(

Right now I feel like a multi-faceted crystal. So many different faces and planes in my world, in my life. Not sure what to do.

I do know I don't like "people" jobs. I went to beauty school after high school just to delay college because I had no idea what I wanted to study (hello, sound familiar?) and I hated it. I HATED having to work with the general public.
I have no desire to be a teacher. So hey, there's two jobs down and out. Gah. (and a field actually.)

Random: I had a dream I had my hair cut by a blind person last night. Oddness.

Why does it have to be so hard to not compare yourself to others?

How can I possibly drink as much water as I should, when I can't be leaving class every 15 minutes to hit the head?

I can honestly see how it's possible to leave college knowing less than you did when you went in. I feel that way everyday.

PS. Wanna know what I did? I erased all RAM from my graphing calculator. Good going, Shannon. Now I have to work on downloading stuff back onto it. Idjit.

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