Tuesday, September 25, 2007

whine, whine, every where there's a whine

Wow. Last night I started crying from frustration over trig. Basically they rationalized a square root in a denominator, but I couldn't figure that out for a long few minutes. And it just broke me. I'm so tired of being so damn confused in trig.
(It was supposed to simply be 1/sqrt3. But then not only did they rationalize the damn thing, they broke it apart as well, and wrote it as 1/3 times sqrt3.)

Frankly, a few people have had this class before and this is their second time taking it. So they have an edge over me. Others have simply had trig before sometime in their lives, so they also have an edge over me. And it's hard not to sit there and feel like a Yugo next to a bunch of Ferrari's in the class. They've all "caught on" so quickly.

One of my friends at school yelled at me today about how I need to ask questions. I know, I know. It's hard for me to do it though especially when the teacher goes so fast. Because I know the point is they have to cover what they have to cover in a certain amount of time.

It IS my own fault for not asking questions. So how can I change this? How can I make it so I feel more comfortable and "allowed" to ask questions? Grrrrr.

Why do I feel pressure to know everything in the world? Why is it when I observe other people I know they don't know everything in the world, but they sure know a ton more than I do, and they make me feel ashamed at my apparent lack of knowledge?

Why is it that it's "ok" for me to not know my major, not know where I'm going in life, but that's all everybody wants to know? "What's your major? What career do you want afterwards? Where are you going in life?"
Answer: I don't have a motherf*cking CLUE, ok?
(and I demand this of myself. It sure would be nice to know what I'm doing in life. Or at least have an idea of what I would like to do. But apparently that is one of my great life mysteries that remains to forever be unsolved.)

I just don't know. I kinda don't know what to do about myself anymore. I'm my own worst enemy at times. Totally.

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